I feel like my two blogs are going to start to read very differently from now on. I had major fall out after a couple recent posts on my open to friends blog and am going to have to keep those posts more pro recovery and positive and unfortunately at times less honest. It's just easier that way, which is actually why I started this one anyway. It's not that I'm pro-ana because I'm not. I would never wish ED on anyone. I am what I guess you could call pro-choice-ana? As in it's your body so it's your choice just like my stance on some other body issues. My friends however would see this as a sign that an intervention and hospitalization are in order. Again I'd like to point out that if they have the extra tens of thousands of dollars, I'd probably give it a go.
I commend anyone and everyone who seeks recovery and treatment. I myself have been in and out of therapy/treatment for years. Just haven't gotten to the point that I'm truly going for just me or to where I can honestly 100% say "I want to get better and beat this." I want to want to get better most days. Unfortunately since I'm not where I want to be weight wise, I'm not willing to get there yet and still question whether it's really a big problem in the first place.
I was thinking today about how while I think it's your choice if you are content with ED, that as with drugs and alcohol early education is key in this decision. I see so many very young girls on FB who are pro-ana. This made me sad because I see myself in them... just back a decade and a half. Eating disorders are a teen epidemic similar to teen pregnancy. I have very strong opinions on how important sex ed is in public schools and it made me wonder what sort of education goes on about ED. I know that when I was in high school we talked about it in one health class for one class period. I remember exactly how it was taught. We watched For the Love of Nancy. What did I learn? That my secret obsession about weight and starving was an actual disorder (so stay quiet) and I learned a lot of new ways to go about it. I had a new name for my goal, anorexia. The film didn't scare me straight. It didn't make the disorder unappealing to me. It sort of glorified it for me. The movie and the following lecture really only tried to warn of the physical side effects of ED. The shock value if you will.
Well as a 15 year old who had already been restricting for at least 4 years and depressed for lord knows how long before that and suicidal, telling me I might die or do permanent damage to my body wasn't exactly the way to get me to seek help or change. I wonder if that's still how it works today, but hopefully at least with a more recent movie.
So the next question I asked myself today was, what would have worked? I would give anything to be able to undue the things that caused the ana behaviors. I can still see and hear my thoughts the day I met mia and wish that I would have not been introduced because she is so supportive when the seductress that is ana is playing hard to get. But what would have made a difference by the time I was that 15 year old girl in health class?
Out of everything I learned then and later in college, nothing ever really focused on the psychological side effects of ED (which I realize were still in the process of being understood). They didn't focus on what it's like in your head during and forever after. That might have scared me into help thirteen years ago and I would have stood a much better chance at recovery then. I don't know, maybe it needed to be real.
I was watching Thin the other day (I watch it often) and thought today about how I would have reacted to it then. Now its comforting for me in a twisted way because they show, feel, and articulate so much of my thinking. The first time I watched it I cried a lot. The same as the first time I read Wasted. I cried because they are me and it was shocking to see/read it. At 15, when they weren't me yet, it might have made me see how much such a seemingly simple act can effect your entire life. Maybe watching things like that or Dying to be Thin, Intervention, and various others would have made a difference. Maybe not. I can't tell because I perceive them now from the perspective of someone who has gone back and forth from ana behavior to mia (EDNOS) for 16 years.
I do know that I've yet to meet anyone my age that has just recently developed ED. I know it's possible, but really I think you can still always trace the beginnings back to early teens at the latest. So the time for education and searching for warning signs has got to start young. I teach 4th grade. I can tell you right now that my 9/10 year old girls come to me each year already aware of and/or worried about their bodies. I've had many already on diets and actually tell other girls or me that they think they are fat and need to lose weight.
But it's a two sided issue because at the same time I have actually overweight and/or obese girls each year too. We can't give the message that fat is healthy either. It's a tricky balancing act. Be healthy, exercise, and be mindful of what you eat but don't become obsessed and idealize a body type or weight that is not in your healthy range or possibility. I don't want my girls to idolize Adele and her I'd rather be fat than not eat what I want when I want statements, but I don't want them to grow up idolizing Audrey Hepburn (like I did) if they are 5 foot or any of the current thinspo stars. We teach about healthy eating and menstruation in 4th and I'm convinced that body issues and direct self esteem building need to start there as well. I know many in education do this, but a lot of times people worry about what they are allowed to say or teach. I, however, worry that education in middle and high school is too late for our girls.
I commend anyone and everyone who seeks recovery and treatment. I myself have been in and out of therapy/treatment for years. Just haven't gotten to the point that I'm truly going for just me or to where I can honestly 100% say "I want to get better and beat this." I want to want to get better most days. Unfortunately since I'm not where I want to be weight wise, I'm not willing to get there yet and still question whether it's really a big problem in the first place.
I was thinking today about how while I think it's your choice if you are content with ED, that as with drugs and alcohol early education is key in this decision. I see so many very young girls on FB who are pro-ana. This made me sad because I see myself in them... just back a decade and a half. Eating disorders are a teen epidemic similar to teen pregnancy. I have very strong opinions on how important sex ed is in public schools and it made me wonder what sort of education goes on about ED. I know that when I was in high school we talked about it in one health class for one class period. I remember exactly how it was taught. We watched For the Love of Nancy. What did I learn? That my secret obsession about weight and starving was an actual disorder (so stay quiet) and I learned a lot of new ways to go about it. I had a new name for my goal, anorexia. The film didn't scare me straight. It didn't make the disorder unappealing to me. It sort of glorified it for me. The movie and the following lecture really only tried to warn of the physical side effects of ED. The shock value if you will.
Well as a 15 year old who had already been restricting for at least 4 years and depressed for lord knows how long before that and suicidal, telling me I might die or do permanent damage to my body wasn't exactly the way to get me to seek help or change. I wonder if that's still how it works today, but hopefully at least with a more recent movie.
So the next question I asked myself today was, what would have worked? I would give anything to be able to undue the things that caused the ana behaviors. I can still see and hear my thoughts the day I met mia and wish that I would have not been introduced because she is so supportive when the seductress that is ana is playing hard to get. But what would have made a difference by the time I was that 15 year old girl in health class?
Out of everything I learned then and later in college, nothing ever really focused on the psychological side effects of ED (which I realize were still in the process of being understood). They didn't focus on what it's like in your head during and forever after. That might have scared me into help thirteen years ago and I would have stood a much better chance at recovery then. I don't know, maybe it needed to be real.
I was watching Thin the other day (I watch it often) and thought today about how I would have reacted to it then. Now its comforting for me in a twisted way because they show, feel, and articulate so much of my thinking. The first time I watched it I cried a lot. The same as the first time I read Wasted. I cried because they are me and it was shocking to see/read it. At 15, when they weren't me yet, it might have made me see how much such a seemingly simple act can effect your entire life. Maybe watching things like that or Dying to be Thin, Intervention, and various others would have made a difference. Maybe not. I can't tell because I perceive them now from the perspective of someone who has gone back and forth from ana behavior to mia (EDNOS) for 16 years.
I do know that I've yet to meet anyone my age that has just recently developed ED. I know it's possible, but really I think you can still always trace the beginnings back to early teens at the latest. So the time for education and searching for warning signs has got to start young. I teach 4th grade. I can tell you right now that my 9/10 year old girls come to me each year already aware of and/or worried about their bodies. I've had many already on diets and actually tell other girls or me that they think they are fat and need to lose weight.
But it's a two sided issue because at the same time I have actually overweight and/or obese girls each year too. We can't give the message that fat is healthy either. It's a tricky balancing act. Be healthy, exercise, and be mindful of what you eat but don't become obsessed and idealize a body type or weight that is not in your healthy range or possibility. I don't want my girls to idolize Adele and her I'd rather be fat than not eat what I want when I want statements, but I don't want them to grow up idolizing Audrey Hepburn (like I did) if they are 5 foot or any of the current thinspo stars. We teach about healthy eating and menstruation in 4th and I'm convinced that body issues and direct self esteem building need to start there as well. I know many in education do this, but a lot of times people worry about what they are allowed to say or teach. I, however, worry that education in middle and high school is too late for our girls.
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