I got a text from S this morning wanting to know if I was free at 5 because she wanted to talk. I should have known what it was going to be about and I guess deep down I did. We avoided the topic for a long while before she mentioned that she was surprised that I hadn't asked her what she wanted to talk about. Of course I went to my go to statement/question "You're pregnant?!" Wishful thinking...
She said she's not observant but even she couldn't not notice the weight I've lost. I haven't even lost much, but I have been excersizing again so I'm dropping percent BF. It was such a defensive horrible conversation. There's no right response. She (being an almost licensed psychologist) thinks I need major therapy and while we can argue all day about that the bottom line is that I can't afford it until September. And even then I'm not focusing on the eating issues. I'll go see a shrink about anxiety for the year and revisit everything else then.
S just is so frustrated that I won't do it this summer when I don't have to worry about work. I'm just not willing to give up my summer and live on nothing to try to scrape up enough money for therapy. She was so worried about me that it pissed me off. I even asked her point blank if she had ever talked to her friend T about being grossly overweight since she was jepoardizing her health way more than mine. That sort of shut her up because of course she hasn't really.
No one goes to fat people and tells them they have a psychological disorder and need treatment. No one goes to fat people and tries to convince them that they could drop dead at any moment. No one goes up to fat people and tells them that they are crazy. But they do say all those things to very thin people. It's a double standard and I'm sick of it. I'm not sick. I'm not even underweight dammit! I'm tired of everyone being so damn worried about me or worse yet pulling away from me.
I want to scream, I'm losing some weight... get over it! I'm not hurting anyone, not even myself. I'm healthy as in doctors will tell you I'm healthy. Stop ruining my happiness over progress and making me feel guilty for my lifestyle choice. If I go ana then you can worry and rally the troops. In fact you'd be shitty friends if you didn't. But I'm not so BACK OFF!!!
Okay all vented and ready to watch a movie, forget today, and go to bed.
She said she's not observant but even she couldn't not notice the weight I've lost. I haven't even lost much, but I have been excersizing again so I'm dropping percent BF. It was such a defensive horrible conversation. There's no right response. She (being an almost licensed psychologist) thinks I need major therapy and while we can argue all day about that the bottom line is that I can't afford it until September. And even then I'm not focusing on the eating issues. I'll go see a shrink about anxiety for the year and revisit everything else then.
S just is so frustrated that I won't do it this summer when I don't have to worry about work. I'm just not willing to give up my summer and live on nothing to try to scrape up enough money for therapy. She was so worried about me that it pissed me off. I even asked her point blank if she had ever talked to her friend T about being grossly overweight since she was jepoardizing her health way more than mine. That sort of shut her up because of course she hasn't really.
No one goes to fat people and tells them they have a psychological disorder and need treatment. No one goes to fat people and tries to convince them that they could drop dead at any moment. No one goes up to fat people and tells them that they are crazy. But they do say all those things to very thin people. It's a double standard and I'm sick of it. I'm not sick. I'm not even underweight dammit! I'm tired of everyone being so damn worried about me or worse yet pulling away from me.
I want to scream, I'm losing some weight... get over it! I'm not hurting anyone, not even myself. I'm healthy as in doctors will tell you I'm healthy. Stop ruining my happiness over progress and making me feel guilty for my lifestyle choice. If I go ana then you can worry and rally the troops. In fact you'd be shitty friends if you didn't. But I'm not so BACK OFF!!!
Okay all vented and ready to watch a movie, forget today, and go to bed.
No one goes to fat people and tells them they have a psychological disorder and need treatment. No one goes to fat people and tries to convince them that they could drop dead at any moment. No one goes up to fat people and tells them that they are crazy. But they do say all those things to very thin people. It's a double standard and I'm sick of it.
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