One of my best friends since I moved here in middle school called me tonight crying. This happens a lot because I've always been her rock, therapist, life coach, etc. But tonight it wasn't about a breakup or death or hurt feeling of some sort. Tonight I was taken back to one of the worst phone calls she ever made to me. "I was raped."
The first time we were 16. She called me and made that statement and said she had to go to work and hung up. My whole world crashed in a way. It's so sad to say, but almost all of my closest friends have been raped at some time in their lives. I don't openly admit it, or in my head half the time, but I was too once upon a time ago. This was the first person I knew though and it was terrible. How do you be there for someone? What do you say? How do you make it better?
She told her parents, the first time, and they blamed her because there was drinking. She went to the police and they non-verbally did the same. The DA didn't take the case at all. The friend (girl friend of the rapist) blamed her and didn't believe it. Most of the people at school who heard about it decided she made it up. That's the society we lived in.
And today when she was done crying and we were able to talk, I realized it's the world we live in today too. The only crime where the victim is put on trial. She already blames herself because she was drinking and she feels stupid trusting her friend's husband. I asked what she was going to do and she isn't going to go to the police and I don't blame her. It's more trouble than it's worth to attempt to prosecute for rape.
She's going to hopefully go to therapy. I'll push that. I did mention that in our state it is actually technically illegal to have sex with someone who is intoxicated. It was a small victory for the rape crisis center and related organizations, but in practice it doesn't really help when DA's can choose not to prosecute and defenses can tear the women apart and juries can judge the woman.
I've been asked why I think so little of men in general (it was almost innate). Well... this is just one of the many reasons. But women on those juries and those making judgement against anyone who outcries are just as much to blame. My friend is not a part of the 1-2% who lie. Since when did we decide against the 98-99%? When a women says she was raped, she was. The odds are more in favor of a woman saying she wasn't when she was. Period.
The first time we were 16. She called me and made that statement and said she had to go to work and hung up. My whole world crashed in a way. It's so sad to say, but almost all of my closest friends have been raped at some time in their lives. I don't openly admit it, or in my head half the time, but I was too once upon a time ago. This was the first person I knew though and it was terrible. How do you be there for someone? What do you say? How do you make it better?
She told her parents, the first time, and they blamed her because there was drinking. She went to the police and they non-verbally did the same. The DA didn't take the case at all. The friend (girl friend of the rapist) blamed her and didn't believe it. Most of the people at school who heard about it decided she made it up. That's the society we lived in.
And today when she was done crying and we were able to talk, I realized it's the world we live in today too. The only crime where the victim is put on trial. She already blames herself because she was drinking and she feels stupid trusting her friend's husband. I asked what she was going to do and she isn't going to go to the police and I don't blame her. It's more trouble than it's worth to attempt to prosecute for rape.
She's going to hopefully go to therapy. I'll push that. I did mention that in our state it is actually technically illegal to have sex with someone who is intoxicated. It was a small victory for the rape crisis center and related organizations, but in practice it doesn't really help when DA's can choose not to prosecute and defenses can tear the women apart and juries can judge the woman.
I've been asked why I think so little of men in general (it was almost innate). Well... this is just one of the many reasons. But women on those juries and those making judgement against anyone who outcries are just as much to blame. My friend is not a part of the 1-2% who lie. Since when did we decide against the 98-99%? When a women says she was raped, she was. The odds are more in favor of a woman saying she wasn't when she was. Period.
